The Power of Encouragement in Addiction Recovery

Never underestimate the power of an encouraging word- John C. Maxwell

Can you think of a moment in your life where someone said something to you that was so profound, it seemed as if they were saying the exact right thing at the most perfect moment? Hearing those words, you suddenly knew you had the courage to make it out of a really tough spot?

I had a moment like this years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday and reflect on it often.

I got sober in a women’s program in Providence, Rhode Island. Jenny was the director of the program and I deeply admired her. Shortly after I arrived at the program, Jenny took the time to sit me down and connect in a heart-to-heart conversation. Like most people just arriving to a treatment program I was a hot mess: frazzled, terrified, and feeling horrible as everything I used to numb myself was wearing off. Jenny’s presence however, soothed me. She was so composed, and the calm she emanated made me feel like everything was going to be okay. That feeling was such a relief and I wanted more of it.  So, I got into the habit of always observing her. Jenny was a true boss babe, always well-dressed and professional. Jenny was kind, she was calm, but Jenny was tough!  She didn’t take anyone’s crap! There were other times where she would crack jokes that genuinely made me laugh out loud. In my mind, Jenny was a perfect combination of class, sass, and sophistication. She had my respect.

New Levels, New Devils

The program I was in had 3 phases, the first phase in Providence took me about 5 months and then I was ready for the next phase, which would take a year in a much larger center in Dover, Pennsylvania. The Dover center was planning on having a graduation for those who had completed the second right around the time I was due to arrive there. The Providence home decided that we would all take a road trip to Pennsylvania, both to drop me off and to attend the graduation. This was exciting to me, and I couldn’t wait to see what was in store for me in Pennsylvania.

When we got to the home in Dover, the first thing I noticed was how gigantic it was. The building had a huge kitchen and cafeteria, and there were 2 floors of bedrooms, which were the size of dorm rooms, except they were crammed full of as many twin beds and bunk beds that would possibly fit. There were women everywhere. In addition to the women, there were also tons of kids running around as well since children were allowed to stay with their moms during this phase. So many people, every face unfamiliar. Chaos erupted in my brain, my stomach dropped and panic set in. Fear! Anxiety! I can honestly say this was the most intimidated I have ever felt in my entire life.

“What the heck am I even doing here? I’m going to get beat up.”

These women were loud, boisterous, street smart and had that rough and tumble appearance. There I was feeling like this weak, shy, wimpy mouse of a girl completely overwhelmed and paralyzed with fear. A hamster wheel of doubt began rolling over and over in my mind … “I don’t fit in at all!” “They’re all going to hate me” “I won’t have any friends or anyone to talk to” “I can’t be here for a whole year… I’ll die of misery!” and on and on. All I wanted to do was run out of there and never ever come back.

Stormy Seas

The ladies from the Providence House stayed overnight while I got situated in my new room, which I hated. I feel asleep, scared and miserable. That night I dreamt I was inside of a ship in a stormy sea, rocking back and forth and up and down. Nothing of significance happened in the dream, I was just on a ship rocking around in enormous waves- but it was so vivid and realistic I was convinced it carried some sort of message for me. Later that day, Jenny and I took a walk around the grounds of the center, just her and I. She wanted to know how I was feeling about transitioning to the next phase.

I wanted to leave. I wanted Jenny to see that this wasn’t the right place for me. What I truly wanted was permission to give up on myself because I was just too scared. I simply could not see myself being able to go through the rest of the program with all these intimidating women.

“I don’t feel like I can do this,” I said to Jenny. 

“ I don’t fit in. I’m nervous … plus I had a bad dream last night.” I proceeded to tell Jenny about my dream.

Jenny pondered my dream, and said to me, “So there was a storm, but you were safe inside the ship, right? Nothing bad happened to you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well maybe your dream is telling you that even though storms may come in your life, and maybe right now feels like a storm… you are safe. And you’re going to be okay.”

“I just don’t feel like I CAN do this Jenny!”

Jenny stopped walking and turned to me. “Listen, I know you, and I know you can do this.”

I think I can

Somehow at this moment, Jenny’s words penetrated deep into the core of my being. Those simple words, “I know you can do this” caused an image to flash in my mind of the capable woman Jenny saw me as. I had an epiphany, enabling me to fully receive her words as the absolute truth: I CAN do this! Jenny was seeing something in me that I was refusing to see, or that fear was blinding me to. Despite the stormy sea of turmoil inside me, I still knew that I could do this. Jenny did know me, and I knew she was sincere. I valued her opinion and perspective. I had only been choosing to focus on my fear, but in reality, I was still safe. I was still safe even while I was being hammered with a storm of self-doubt. I was empowered to see myself the way she saw me. I knew that if I gave up right then I’d be throwing away an enormous opportunity to grow, heal, and move forward. If I gave up then I probably would have gone home and went back to my old ways of drinking, partying, and destroying myself.

I know I can!

And so, I did it. I stayed for the whole year, completed the 2nd phase, and graduated from the program, and Jenny was there to see me graduate. I remember reflecting on everything as I was graduating and laughing at how scared I was when I first got there. The funny thing is that I ended up LOVING each and every one of those ladies, we had WAY more in common than I originally thought. By the time I graduated I did not want to leave! The third phase of the program was completely optional, but I chose to do it, which meant I would become staff for one of the program’s homes in New Mexico. By that time, I knew that I could handle challenging situations, thanks to Jenny. 

You never know how your words could affect someone in a pivotal moment in their life, either for good or for bad. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a situation I thought I couldn’t handle and I can hear Jenny saying, “I know you can do this.” Ever since then I have always tried to live up to her image of me, and I am so thankful she encouraged me exactly at the moment I needed. It genuinely changed my life.