I'm Sober Now... What Do I Tell People Part 2

AJ Diaz • February 25, 2021

How do I tell people I'm not so close with that I'm sober?

Good. I’m sober and living my life how I want to. Now, what do I tell people? As a continuation of a previous post around how to discuss my active recovery with those closest to me, I thought it would be important to talk about the next phase of that – whether or not to discuss my active recovery with new people/acquaintances in my life and if so, how I was going to do that.


To anyone wondering – Yes…I was going out and enjoying myself. I was also doing so in a safe and strategic way with my sobriety always first. After all, I didn’t get sober to isolate; I got sober to live my life to the fullest. Part of living life to the fullest meant being able to go out, enjoy time with my friends and take part in activities that people my age were taking part in all the while maintaining my recovery. 


If the big question when I first got sober was how do I tell the people closest to me; an even bigger question as my recovery continued was:


 “how do I explain this to someone who doesn’t know me or has no idea what being sober is?” 


At this point, I was insulated in that the people that I spent time with all very much knew I was sober and were generally on the lookout to keep me safe in any social situation. Like so many before me however, I was ready to spread my wings and leave the “nest” and that presented a couple of questions. 


An early thought was to get “I am sober” tattooed to my forehead to ward off anyone with malicious intentions. However, after careful consideration I decided that wouldn’t be entirely practical. So, I had to come up with a strategy for what to do and what to say when faced with different people and different situations. I think the most important thing that I have learned is that I always need to do or say what I am comfortable with. 


Whether that is telling someone my life story or saying nothing at all – there is no “right” or “wrong” answer. 


Another starting point for me was recognizing that there didn’t need to be some slick answer when someone asked if I wanted a drink.  I simply had to say “no thanks and inform them that I wasn’t drinking.” 


What I found is that most people are far too worried about what they are doing to care about whether or not I want a vodka soda or a club soda. I instituted the same strategies that I had done when going out with friends – know my time limit, have a supportive person to check in with before, during or after and always know that at any point I can walk away. 


So, what about when I was engaged in conversation with someone who I really did want to talk to and the dreaded question of “why don’t you drink?” happens. I will revert back to what I said earlier – the most important thing that I found early in recovery and still to this day is asking myself the question “what am I comfortable with in this situation?” 


Now, for me, active use involved dishonesty as a first language and I really wanted to move away from that. With that, I found myself in quite the predicament. What I have found to be helpful is understanding the power of language and the effectiveness of pausing before I answer something. With language, telling someone “I am not drinking tonight” is true and it also protects me from full disclosure of something I am not yet ready to share with someone. Additionally, understanding that I don’t have to blurt out an answer to a question right away was very helpful. Having a game plan of what to say in certain situations is always helpful. The next evolution of that for me was learning how to be flexible and adaptable if someone asked a question or made a comment that I wasn’t yet ready for. By adding in a pause before responding, it allowed me to consider the language I could use that protected me and was in line with my new way of behaving. 


This is such an important topic and one that I could go on forever about. However, I am sure by now you are tired of reading this and very understandably thinking about scrolling through Instagram instead. 


My biggest takeaways on how to share your recovery with others are:


  • Be aware of what you are comfortable with and understand that you don’t need to push that aside to make someone else comfortable 


  • When going into a social situation – have a plan and remember you can always walk away


  • Know the power of language and how it allows us to disclose as much or as little of our recovery story and process as we would like


  • Add the tool of pausing before responding


  • If going out with friends who know your recovery status, let them know what you are comfortable with so that they can take your lead

Jason's Story - From Rock Bottom to New Heights: My Journey of Recovery and Reinvention

By Jason Ertrachter • February 4, 2025
With over a decade of alcohol and drug abuse, it became clear I could not drink responsibly or consume in moderation. Upon further review, I came to understand I was never able to drink responsibly and was predisposed to consume in excess. Moderation is a construct I still don’t understand. Alcohol, drugs, sugar, ego, all things I love to indulge in. At 25 years old, weeks before the pandemic, I found myself being escorted by security from my beloved office in a sought-after industry in a glamorous part of Los Angeles. Pursuing a career in talent management, the late nights, weekly drinking, daily drug use culminated in the unavoidable fear, anxiety and sense of calamity that led me to recovery. I asked myself, “What was the common denominator between lost jobs, friends lost, arrests, hurt feelings and selfishness?” People, places, things were always changing, but the one constant in my story was me with drugs and alcohol. Walking into the West Hollywood Recovery Center on Monday February 5th, 2020 at noon was not my first meeting. It was, however, the first meeting at which I listened and actually took suggestions. Meetings as a teenager, and again in college when my drug use got bad, were simply to get people off my back. As I look back, I understand that I actually needed to get out of my own way, not have those who loved me off of my back. I am grateful to have gotten sober during a time when the world shut down and so many struggled. I had nowhere to go, no outside distractions to challenge my commitment. I fully emerged myself in meetings and all that AA had to offer for young people. There were thousands of virtual meetings at every hour of the day, but more importantly, rooms and outdoor meetings in LA that never missed a beat. There was an underground community of meeting makers that continued to go to in-person meetings, masks on, hugs and fellowship. I found that the work of early recovery far outweighed the isolation. I left the entertainment industry with two years of sobriety. New career opportunities opened up pretty quickly for me. Transitioning into the startup and tech sales world, I was able to move back home to New York and be closer to my family. As my sobriety continued, new career paths continued to present themselves. When I was introduced to Matt and AJ, I was immediately impressed with their mission and welcomed the opportunity to join the team. I am confident that the combination of my personal and professional success, as well as my CARC, CRPA certification, made my decision the perfect one for me. Having hit my stride in my own recovery, I now see that that my purpose is to help others. It is a purpose I do not take lightly. I bring the same energy and focus that has helped me to get where I am today to other individuals and families alike looking for a better way.

Stephanie's Story - My Journey to Addiction Recovery and Giving Back

By Stephanie Myers, CPRS • January 29, 2025
My name is Stephanie Myers, and I am excited to be part of the incredible team at You Are Accountable . As difficult as my journey prior to recovery was, I am grateful for every step along the way. My recovery journey began five years ago through what I believe was divine intervention. At my lowest point—mentally, physically, and spiritually—I was led to a 12-step recovery program. Most of my life was spent seeking relief from my internal and external struggles. During my teenage years, I thought I had found a solution, but my addiction only progressed, leading me to the depths of despair. My addiction compromised my morals, diminished my integrity, and left me with a profound sense of hopelessness. Overwhelmed by guilt and shame, I realized that everything in my life had to change. I became willing to do whatever it took to shift the trajectory of my life. Gradually, I connected with others who understood my pain and had found their way to recovery. I dedicated myself to internal work and began to fill the spiritual void that I had been attempting to fill with substances. Today, my life is filled with purpose, love, and more beauty than I could have ever imagined five years ago. It is my passion to help others realize that there is hope on the other side of addiction. As a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist, I strive to help plant the seed of recovery and help others grow along their path to recovery.

Brittany's Story: Overcoming Addiction to Find Hope, Healing, and Purpose

By Brittany Pealer, CRPS • January 28, 2025
My name is Brittany, and I’m honored to be part of the team at You Are Accountable . My journey to recovery has been filled with struggles, lessons, and, ultimately, transformation. For years, I lived in the utter hopelessness of addiction, believing there was no way out. A "normal" life felt completely out of reach, and even as a child, I never felt like I had a true purpose. Throughout my active addiction, I found myself trapped in a relentless cycle. I would put one substance down—whether through treatment or court-ordered intervention—but almost immediately, I would pick up another. Each time, I restarted the same painful, destructive cycle, convinced that I could never break free. It wasn’t until I realized that recovery is an inside job that things began to change. Changing people, places, and things (and substances) can only do so much for so long; true recovery requires doing the hard work within. My turning point came when I became pregnant with my first daughter. For the first time in my life, I found a reason to fight for something greater than myself. That moment marked the beginning of my journey to recovery, and through that journey, I discovered the life I never thought was possible. Today, I’m blessed with an amazing job, a beautiful family with two incredible daughters, and an active role in my recovery community. As a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist (CPRS) and Recovery Coach, I am passionate about helping others find hope and healing. I understand the challenges of breaking free from addiction, and I’m living proof that it’s possible to create a life filled with purpose, joy, and connection. Recovery has given me everything I once believed was out of reach, and I’m honored to walk alongside others as they embark on their own journeys to freedom.
Share by: