A Letter to Siblings of Those Struggling with Addiction

A Sibling • August 2, 2021

A Letter to Siblings of Those Struggling with Addiction

Dear Sibling, 


Has anyone checked on you recently? I imagine a lot is going on right now: your sibling is struggling, your parents keep talking with one another, other family members ask your parents “How are you? How can we help?” but no one has asked you. 


How are you?


I will never forget when my Mom called me to say that my brother would not be joining us for her birthday dinner. I sat with my Mom and Dad at dinner that night and all we talked about was my brother. He was using again, it was bad, he couldn’t honor commitments and since he couldn’t be ready for tonight’s celebration he was uninvited. The next day, my birthday, I was told that he would be going to rehab. 


And that’s how things went. It happened quickly and slowly at the same time. It was confusing and sad, but also made me feel mad. Mad is a hard feeling for me, so instead I worried, all of the time, so much so that I had panic attacks. I had had my own experience with my brother’s use and abuse. I was also a victim of his bad choices, but I had no power. I am not his parent, I’m his sibling. I was stuck in the middle and confused with who I aligned with: was I on Team Parent - telling on him when things were odd? Was I on his team - keeping secrets and unknowingly enabling? It was very unclear and confusing which only added to the panic and worry and anger. 


I was afraid to tell my friends for fear of what they would say and so I stayed quiet. I talked with my parents about what was happening, but they were dealing with this just like I was. So I put my head down and suffered silently and alone. I found a therapist, who had experience working with people in recovery. This was helpful because she understood professionally and personally what I was going through. 


Therapy was where I landed weekly to talk about my brother. I was allowed to be sad and mad. I was also allowed to celebrate the good things that were happening for me. “This is only
one thread of your life,” my therapist said. I learned to see the other threads that made my life good. I practiced setting strong boundaries with family members. I learned better coping skills, cried, learned more skills and created a new routine for myself. After time and work, I got stronger and learned how to talk about it in a way that didn’t scare me or make me sad or mad. 


So, Sibling, it’s okay to have feelings about this, and you should feel them all. It’s scary and uncomfortable. Your family is changing and it’s not your job to fix it. Ask for help, tell a friend because there are more people out there dealing with this than you know. If there’s a family day at rehab, you should go. It felt so nice to talk about addiction with other people going through a similar thing - you’re not alone. 


Sibling, I hope you’re okay or getting there or good.


By Jason Ertrachter February 4, 2025
With over a decade of alcohol and drug abuse, it became clear I could not drink responsibly or consume in moderation. Upon further review, I came to understand I was never able to drink responsibly and was predisposed to consume in excess. Moderation is a construct I still don’t understand. Alcohol, drugs, sugar, ego, all things I love to indulge in. At 25 years old, weeks before the pandemic, I found myself being escorted by security from my beloved office in a sought-after industry in a glamorous part of Los Angeles. Pursuing a career in talent management, the late nights, weekly drinking, daily drug use culminated in the unavoidable fear, anxiety and sense of calamity that led me to recovery. I asked myself, “What was the common denominator between lost jobs, friends lost, arrests, hurt feelings and selfishness?” People, places, things were always changing, but the one constant in my story was me with drugs and alcohol. Walking into the West Hollywood Recovery Center on Monday February 5th, 2020 at noon was not my first meeting. It was, however, the first meeting at which I listened and actually took suggestions. Meetings as a teenager, and again in college when my drug use got bad, were simply to get people off my back. As I look back, I understand that I actually needed to get out of my own way, not have those who loved me off of my back. I am grateful to have gotten sober during a time when the world shut down and so many struggled. I had nowhere to go, no outside distractions to challenge my commitment. I fully emerged myself in meetings and all that AA had to offer for young people. There were thousands of virtual meetings at every hour of the day, but more importantly, rooms and outdoor meetings in LA that never missed a beat. There was an underground community of meeting makers that continued to go to in-person meetings, masks on, hugs and fellowship. I found that the work of early recovery far outweighed the isolation. I left the entertainment industry with two years of sobriety. New career opportunities opened up pretty quickly for me. Transitioning into the startup and tech sales world, I was able to move back home to New York and be closer to my family. As my sobriety continued, new career paths continued to present themselves. When I was introduced to Matt and AJ, I was immediately impressed with their mission and welcomed the opportunity to join the team. I am confident that the combination of my personal and professional success, as well as my CARC, CRPA certification, made my decision the perfect one for me. Having hit my stride in my own recovery, I now see that that my purpose is to help others. It is a purpose I do not take lightly. I bring the same energy and focus that has helped me to get where I am today to other individuals and families alike looking for a better way.
By Stephanie Myers, CPRS January 29, 2025
My name is Stephanie Myers, and I am excited to be part of the incredible team at You Are Accountable . As difficult as my journey prior to recovery was, I am grateful for every step along the way. My recovery journey began five years ago through what I believe was divine intervention. At my lowest point—mentally, physically, and spiritually—I was led to a 12-step recovery program. Most of my life was spent seeking relief from my internal and external struggles. During my teenage years, I thought I had found a solution, but my addiction only progressed, leading me to the depths of despair. My addiction compromised my morals, diminished my integrity, and left me with a profound sense of hopelessness. Overwhelmed by guilt and shame, I realized that everything in my life had to change. I became willing to do whatever it took to shift the trajectory of my life. Gradually, I connected with others who understood my pain and had found their way to recovery. I dedicated myself to internal work and began to fill the spiritual void that I had been attempting to fill with substances. Today, my life is filled with purpose, love, and more beauty than I could have ever imagined five years ago. It is my passion to help others realize that there is hope on the other side of addiction. As a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist, I strive to help plant the seed of recovery and help others grow along their path to recovery.
By Brittany Pealer, CRPS January 28, 2025
My name is Brittany, and I’m honored to be part of the team at You Are Accountable . My journey to recovery has been filled with struggles, lessons, and, ultimately, transformation. For years, I lived in the utter hopelessness of addiction, believing there was no way out. A "normal" life felt completely out of reach, and even as a child, I never felt like I had a true purpose. Throughout my active addiction, I found myself trapped in a relentless cycle. I would put one substance down—whether through treatment or court-ordered intervention—but almost immediately, I would pick up another. Each time, I restarted the same painful, destructive cycle, convinced that I could never break free. It wasn’t until I realized that recovery is an inside job that things began to change. Changing people, places, and things (and substances) can only do so much for so long; true recovery requires doing the hard work within. My turning point came when I became pregnant with my first daughter. For the first time in my life, I found a reason to fight for something greater than myself. That moment marked the beginning of my journey to recovery, and through that journey, I discovered the life I never thought was possible. Today, I’m blessed with an amazing job, a beautiful family with two incredible daughters, and an active role in my recovery community. As a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist (CPRS) and Recovery Coach, I am passionate about helping others find hope and healing. I understand the challenges of breaking free from addiction, and I’m living proof that it’s possible to create a life filled with purpose, joy, and connection. Recovery has given me everything I once believed was out of reach, and I’m honored to walk alongside others as they embark on their own journeys to freedom.
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