Now that I'm sober, can I go to events or parties with alcohol?

sites • November 23, 2020

We didn't get sober to shy away from life. We got sober to live life and be present for every moment.

In the first few days after getting sober the first thought was “how am I going to do anything fun without alcohol?” Honestly, it was a pretty legit question. The last time that I went out and “partied’ without alcohol was when I was 13 and my weekend nights revolved around playing tackle football in basements with my friends, ordering Dominos, and watching Friday the 13th movies. After that, going to parties not only included alcohol, but began to revolve around it as well. Who is driving to pick up beer,  and how much should we get were the questions that replaced “do you want regular or thin crust pizza?” 


As the first few days turned into weeks and then months, my original question got put on the back burner. The thought that I was starting to have was “will I ever be able to be around alcohol in any social setting?” I knew that at that point, even just 90 days into sobriety, that my life was so much better. With that knowledge, I also knew that I couldn’t give up this new life that I had just begun to form. Having said all of that, I still wanted to be me – social, out with friends, enjoying being young. 


There was my dilemma – how do I do both of those things at the same time? At 4 months sober, I got an invite to a friend’s birthday party. I told myself that it was rude to turn down a very nice invitation but the truth was that I was so curious to see what it would be like to be around alcohol. Before leaving to head to the party (it was at a bar by the way) I was filled with confidence. I was feeling good, looking good and I couldn’t wait to show everyone how great I was doing. 


That confidence evaporated as soon as I walked into the party and was in a bar for the first time as a sober person. My chest tightened, my hands got sweaty and I immediately did not want to be there. Right at that moment, I decided I would say hi to my friends, wish my buddy a happy birthday and leave. I wanted to say hi to everyone, let my friend know that I appreciated the invite, wish him well and beyond that, if I was being honest with myself, there wasn’t anything else there for me to do. When I left the bar, it was like I could breathe again. I felt safe as soon as I left and felt even safer with every step that I took back home. As soon as I got back home I knew two things: 


  1. That sucked. 
  2. I feel like I’m going to need a better plan if I want to be able to be at a party with alcohol. 


After some more field research on this matter, I have come to this conclusion for myself. When it comes to going out and being around alcohol, I don’t have to be there. I can always say no to an invitation. I have learned that when someone invites me somewhere, it doesn’t mean that I am under contract to go, it just means that the person extending the invitation enjoys being around me (I don’t blame them ☺) and they would love for me to be there. If I say no, I am not ruining a relationship, I am just respecting myself enough to not put myself in a dangerous situation. 


I realize that there are a myriad of events in life that will involve alcohol. Weddings, engagement parties, bachelor/bachelorettes, work events, holidays, Tuesday afternoons...The list goes on and on. My feeling is this, if there is a legitimate reason for me to be there, I have no problem going. When I do go however, I have a plan in place. Depending on the event, I have a set time of when I am going to leave. That can be 2 hours after I walk in or at midnight for example. In addition, I always try and go with someone or at the very least have at least one person there who knows that I am sober and don’t drink. I always tell the person that I am with that if I am feeling uncomfortable, I am just simply going to leave and I will text them that I have left. If I don’t have anyone that can accompany me and I have to be at this event, I call someone before I go in, text them for accountability during and then call them after. 


This plan has helped me so many times in so many situations. It has allowed me to be sober, present and at every party that I choose to go to. We didn’t get sober to shy away from life; we got sober to live life and be present for every moment.

Jason's Story - From Rock Bottom to New Heights: My Journey of Recovery and Reinvention

By Jason Ertrachter • February 4, 2025
With over a decade of alcohol and drug abuse, it became clear I could not drink responsibly or consume in moderation. Upon further review, I came to understand I was never able to drink responsibly and was predisposed to consume in excess. Moderation is a construct I still don’t understand. Alcohol, drugs, sugar, ego, all things I love to indulge in. At 25 years old, weeks before the pandemic, I found myself being escorted by security from my beloved office in a sought-after industry in a glamorous part of Los Angeles. Pursuing a career in talent management, the late nights, weekly drinking, daily drug use culminated in the unavoidable fear, anxiety and sense of calamity that led me to recovery. I asked myself, “What was the common denominator between lost jobs, friends lost, arrests, hurt feelings and selfishness?” People, places, things were always changing, but the one constant in my story was me with drugs and alcohol. Walking into the West Hollywood Recovery Center on Monday February 5th, 2020 at noon was not my first meeting. It was, however, the first meeting at which I listened and actually took suggestions. Meetings as a teenager, and again in college when my drug use got bad, were simply to get people off my back. As I look back, I understand that I actually needed to get out of my own way, not have those who loved me off of my back. I am grateful to have gotten sober during a time when the world shut down and so many struggled. I had nowhere to go, no outside distractions to challenge my commitment. I fully emerged myself in meetings and all that AA had to offer for young people. There were thousands of virtual meetings at every hour of the day, but more importantly, rooms and outdoor meetings in LA that never missed a beat. There was an underground community of meeting makers that continued to go to in-person meetings, masks on, hugs and fellowship. I found that the work of early recovery far outweighed the isolation. I left the entertainment industry with two years of sobriety. New career opportunities opened up pretty quickly for me. Transitioning into the startup and tech sales world, I was able to move back home to New York and be closer to my family. As my sobriety continued, new career paths continued to present themselves. When I was introduced to Matt and AJ, I was immediately impressed with their mission and welcomed the opportunity to join the team. I am confident that the combination of my personal and professional success, as well as my CARC, CRPA certification, made my decision the perfect one for me. Having hit my stride in my own recovery, I now see that that my purpose is to help others. It is a purpose I do not take lightly. I bring the same energy and focus that has helped me to get where I am today to other individuals and families alike looking for a better way.

Stephanie's Story - My Journey to Addiction Recovery and Giving Back

By Stephanie Myers, CPRS • January 29, 2025
My name is Stephanie Myers, and I am excited to be part of the incredible team at You Are Accountable . As difficult as my journey prior to recovery was, I am grateful for every step along the way. My recovery journey began five years ago through what I believe was divine intervention. At my lowest point—mentally, physically, and spiritually—I was led to a 12-step recovery program. Most of my life was spent seeking relief from my internal and external struggles. During my teenage years, I thought I had found a solution, but my addiction only progressed, leading me to the depths of despair. My addiction compromised my morals, diminished my integrity, and left me with a profound sense of hopelessness. Overwhelmed by guilt and shame, I realized that everything in my life had to change. I became willing to do whatever it took to shift the trajectory of my life. Gradually, I connected with others who understood my pain and had found their way to recovery. I dedicated myself to internal work and began to fill the spiritual void that I had been attempting to fill with substances. Today, my life is filled with purpose, love, and more beauty than I could have ever imagined five years ago. It is my passion to help others realize that there is hope on the other side of addiction. As a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist, I strive to help plant the seed of recovery and help others grow along their path to recovery.

Brittany's Story: Overcoming Addiction to Find Hope, Healing, and Purpose

By Brittany Pealer, CRPS • January 28, 2025
My name is Brittany, and I’m honored to be part of the team at You Are Accountable . My journey to recovery has been filled with struggles, lessons, and, ultimately, transformation. For years, I lived in the utter hopelessness of addiction, believing there was no way out. A "normal" life felt completely out of reach, and even as a child, I never felt like I had a true purpose. Throughout my active addiction, I found myself trapped in a relentless cycle. I would put one substance down—whether through treatment or court-ordered intervention—but almost immediately, I would pick up another. Each time, I restarted the same painful, destructive cycle, convinced that I could never break free. It wasn’t until I realized that recovery is an inside job that things began to change. Changing people, places, and things (and substances) can only do so much for so long; true recovery requires doing the hard work within. My turning point came when I became pregnant with my first daughter. For the first time in my life, I found a reason to fight for something greater than myself. That moment marked the beginning of my journey to recovery, and through that journey, I discovered the life I never thought was possible. Today, I’m blessed with an amazing job, a beautiful family with two incredible daughters, and an active role in my recovery community. As a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist (CPRS) and Recovery Coach, I am passionate about helping others find hope and healing. I understand the challenges of breaking free from addiction, and I’m living proof that it’s possible to create a life filled with purpose, joy, and connection. Recovery has given me everything I once believed was out of reach, and I’m honored to walk alongside others as they embark on their own journeys to freedom.
Share by: