23 Years Sober After Getting Sober During The Holidays

This November 20th marks 23 years sober for me! I got sober in 1999. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long and every year it rolls around I do the math in my head to confirm that yes, it has indeed been that long!

I went away to a long term residential program just in time to spend the holidays there, sober and away from everything that was familiar to me. Looking back on it now, I remember being somewhat depressed about that, especially that I would miss New Year’s Eve and celebrating the new millennium. There was still some Y2K hysteria in the air and I was somewhat bummed that if the world ended, I’d be completely sober and probably doing something boring as opposed to partying like it’s 1999 as civilization was set to implode. 

Yes, it was difficult to spend the holidays in a program getting sober and dealing with all of my issues, but here’s the thing: I had already made my mind up that I was going to do this, and go forward without turning back. My mind was made up that I would do whatever it took to get sober and stay sober. That made it so much easier to accept that I’d be there for the holidays. Honestly, would life have been so much better for me if I spent the holidays still getting drunk, doing drugs, blacking out and making an ass out of myself? Obviously not.

Now, after all this time has passed and I remember that first Thanksgiving I spent in treatment, it was the first time in my new sober life that I genuinely felt safe during a holiday. Safe from myself and my drunken antics. I was aware that there was no way I could become inebriated, no way I could black out, no way I could say or do something REALLY stupid that would have everyone mad at me the next day. There was good food to eat, great desserts to enjoy, and people all around me to chat with. Truthfully the best part was that I would remember it all, and I cannot describe the relief that brought me after blacking out drunk so many holidays.

Ever since that first Thanksgiving I spent sober, I have enjoyed each holiday and that safe, cozy feeling they bring, knowing that I am not going to be a danger to myself or anyone around me. This is a wonderful feeling! Obviously some holidays are better than others, but I would never want to go back to a holiday just to get obliterated and wake up the next morning in a hellhole of shame and regret. 

Year after year I have grown to love myself more, love being sober more, love everyone around me more, love the holidays more, and love life more and more and more. Life keeps getting better. I am grateful for all of it and especially grateful to myself for making a firm decision to get sober for good, without giving myself the option to turn back. Life is really wonderful and enjoyable exactly how it is, if you’re willing to allow yourself to perceive it that way. We do recover! Happy Thanksgiving!