How to attend social events in recovery from addiction

Good afternoon my people – welcome to another edition of “my experience, from my brain” (always take with a grain of salt). 

The weather is returning, vaccines are being distributed and it looks like this summer is shaping up to be a return to pre-covid times. So, what does that mean for all of my sober friends both old and new? 

I cannot imagine how hard it was for so many to get sober during a global pandemic (add it to the resume). Everything being virtual – meetings, work, family time, friends, social supports, sober supports – even as someone who has taken a few trips around the sun sober…it was really hard. 

I have also heard that for a lot of you, that staying sober was a bit easier during the pandemic. 

The temptation was not there to go out, go to bars, parties, etc. You have told me that due to the pandemic, you were able to focus solely on your sobriety with no interruptions. This brings me to the point of this blog which I think is vital for ALL of us: now that socializing is returning just in time for the summer…how will I handle all of it and still stay sober?!

Regardless of how long you have been sober, all of us have been inside and away from social events for over a year. 

To me, that is a year without triggers, a year without being around bars, a year without being around people who are drinking and a year without adding to my sober references. Now some might rightfully say “well, that is a good thing!” I totally agree with that. I also have another thought which may or may not be too popular and with that, I will keep it on the “I”.

It was really important for me to learn how to be in social settings with alcohol. It was really important for me to use the tools that I had learned to cope with triggers – anxiety, frustration, feeling overwhelmed. 

I especially wanted to be able to learn how to deal with having cravings. I got sober to live my life and I needed to have practice (safely) in being around these things as it is far too hard for me to hide from these things for the rest of my life.

So, it brings us to the big question – with everything opening up; what is the game plan to keep and build on my sobriety? I will pull from my own experience here and how even now, after a few trips around the sun sober, I still go into potentially “triggering” situations with a strategic plan of what my exit strategy is and how I will handle anything that comes my way. 

One of the most important things for me was to have a support person with me, someone who knew that I was sober and who knew that if things got triggering, I was going to set a boundary and leave. 

After having my support person in place, figuring out how long I wanted to spend at a particular event was my next course of action. 

I always like to start in small chunks. Early on what I would do is set a timer for myself on my phone to go off after about an hour. At this point I would step outside, take a breather and be as honest as possible with myself about how I was doing, how I felt being there and if I wanted to continue or not. I would recommend bringing your support person to this little “meeting” if possible. If not, no worries – calling another supportive person can be helpful! So, after stepping outside and taking an honest appraisal of how I felt; I would either leave or extend my stay there briefly. When I did leave, either in the moment or shortly after, I would make sure to have someone that I could call once I got home to ensure that I was okay.

The next thing for me to devise was how to respond to people who asked, “Do you want a drink?” 

It can be a frustrating and also triggering question, especially having to answer it multiple times. With that, I would make sure that I was very firm with “no, I am fine thanks” and always have a club soda or a water in my hand. This way, when I said no, I could point to my drink, signaling to the person that I was truly all good. 

Another piece that I want to add to this – if I ever put my drink down and went to the bathroom or outside and returned, I would ALWAYS make sure to get myself a fresh glass and club soda. I have made the mistake of picking up the wrong drink and having to run to the bathroom to put soap in my mouth (don’t recommend).

All in all, when returning to social events or attending social events sober for the first time I keep the following in mind:

1. Knowing who I am going with that is a support. 

2. Knowing my exit strategy.

3. Knowing what to say when someone asks if I want to have a drink. 

4. Most importantly, being patient with myself. 

I needed to work up to things – starting small and seeing how I felt and how situations affected me was very important. Setting a boundary and leaving early is sometimes the best thing! Plus, everyone knows…nothing good happens after midnight anyway