Nicole's Story of Addiction and Long Term Recovery

I come from a large, dysfunctional family and we reside in Massachusetts. Addiction runs heavily on my mother's side and alcoholism on my father's side.

As I was growing up, I watched my father's drinking tear my family apart. My parents divorced just after 1 year of marriage. I told myself I would never be like my father and swore off alcohol. My mother remarried to a man that I did not like from the start. I watched my mother endure mental abuse for years.

When I was about 16, I had the brilliant idea that I wanted to live with father because any place was better than being near my step father. My father's drinking took no breaks while I was with him and I was devastated that I wasn't enough to change him. I now realize it wasn't anything I could do. I ended up moving out with a high school boyfriend on our own when I was 17.

I worked full time and graduated school. My troubles started when I moved to West Springfield. I got a job as a bartender at a local bar. I didn't even think twice about drinking because of my father. However, there was no warning label on cocaine. That quickly spiraled out of control. Cocaine turned into crack and that's when my life took a turn.

I started missing payments on my car, rent and anything else that required money from me. I was not sleeping or eating. My employer noticed I was a wreck and fired me. I then went bar hoping for employment and this went on for years. My solution to not sleeping was opiates. I had just entered a whole other level of destruction.

I quickly lost everything in my possession. I sold whatever I could to get my drugs and unfortunately that included myself. I was homeless and desperate. I had carried so much guilt and shame. How did my life get here?? The toxic relationships sure didn't help. My need for co dependency was an addiction in it self. I was so afraid to be alone. I was in such grave condition that I was ready to die.

I called my mother who always supported me and loved me no matter what. I surrendered. I could not live this life anymore. Shooting up with dirty puddle water was no longer an option for me. I was DONE. My mother told me I could return home if I went to a detox. And I did just that.

I went to treatment and slowly gained 15 years of sobriety one day at at time. There is hope out there. With some readiness to change and a willingness to do whatever it takes, we do recover!